The world is abuzz with the passing of Elizabeth Taylor.

To many, she epitomizes beauty and the glamor of Hollywood’s Golden Age.  Collectively, we’re mourning more than her death.  We’re also mourning the passing of an age where celebrity was alluring, enigmatic and other-worldly.

As I reflect on what I know and love about Ms. Taylor, I started to wonder why the world has been touched by her in so many ways.

Through all her trials and tribulations, Elizabeth Taylor lived life on her terms, and with her heart on her sleeve.  She swept 7 men up in her passionate embrace of life, 7 people among millions more who were captivated by her sheer vitality and ‘aliveness’.

It’s been reported that she was not afraid of growing old, only of losing this vitality that she was so adored for.

It is her vulnerability, her unabashed passion for life and her dedication to her craft that made her ravishing beauty even more compelling.  And when life threw her a lemon (e.g. the death of her first love, Mike Todd, or the abusiveness of her first husband, hotelier Nicky Hilton), she somehow found the wherewithal to pick herself up, dust herself off and keep on keeping on.

Since her death, friends and family have shared glimpses into her kindness and generosity of spirit.  Her compassion for the AIDS community.  Opening her heart and hearth to dying friends who needed a refuge in their final days.

If we could but demonstrate some of her brilliant humanity, the world would sparkle as brightly as the diamonds she so cherished.

I’d love to hear your comments on how Ms Taylor’s life and art impacted you.  Or, if you find all this much ado about nothing, I’d love to hear that too!

Our cavemen ancestors (arguably) had an easier time making decisions.  Kill or be killed.  Make fire or freeze to death.  We, oh civilized society we, start making decisions the moment we wake up.  Cereal or oatmeal?  Milk or juice?  Watch TV or use the iPad at breakfast? We often complain about all the decisions we have to make, forgetting that this is a good problem to have.  It’s a by-product of wealth, of materialism, of abundance.

But it doesn’t make the underlying issue go away.  We are faced with a bazillion choices.  Every. Single. Day.  By the time we go to sleep, we’ll have made more than 200 food decisions and goodness how many non-food ones.  And according to this study, too many daily decisions make mush of your self-control.  No wonder we feel like life is running us and not the other way around.

So how now, brown cow?

As I’ve suggested in previous blog posts, it helps to know what’s IMPORTANT to you.  Thanks to (among other things) marketing and consumerism, many products and services are deemed so essential that our lives would be ruined or, worse, boring, if we don’t own them.  I’m not saying you shouldn’t go out and buy that latest gadget if it strikes your fancy, but buying it intentionally vs. mindlessly are two very different things.

How do you go about finding out what’s important to you?  Ah, let me count the ways.  You could:

1) Ask a trusted friend or family member.  Those who know you best and have seen you grow/change over time can sometimes shed light on what you value.

2) When have you felt fulfilled, validated and triumphant in life?  What were you doing?  Who were you with/without?  What was motivating you at the time?  Have these motivators surfaced more than once in your life?

3) Did a life-changing decision ever feel completely and utterly right to you?  What drove you to make that decision?  What were you seeking?  What were you avoiding (or hoping to avoid) by making that decision?

4) Does simplifying your life (having less stuff, making less money etc) inspire you or terrify you?  Why?  What drives the joy or fear of simplification?

5) When you think about what’s important to you, whose voice do you hear answering the question?  Society norms?  TV commercials?  Your mom/dad?  Your teacher?  Your partner?  Or you?

There is no right or wrong answer to these questions.  There is only what is, and how you might want to change it. 

We all have the power and responsibility to live the life we want.  All I suggest is that we do so more consciously, and with greater clarity.

What do you think?  How have you made sense of life’s overwhelming decisions?  Please comment below.

Have a wonderful weekend, all!

Maya Mathias
‘The Insightful Communicator’

from perusals.wordpress.com

I had a quiet Thanksgiving yesterday.  No parties, no gatherings, just my roasted cornish hen and me.  And it turned out to be one of the best Thanksgivings ever.

Having had a more spiritual than religious upbringing, I wasn’t raised to celebrate Thanksgiving.  I was instead raised to be grateful for every day and blessing that comes my way.

And so, alone with my thoughts yesterday, a surge of gratitude swept over me.  I have a family that loves me unconditionally, friends who lend a listening ear when it counts, and the independence and freedom to design the life of my choosing.  It took some effort, a dash of creativity and lots of personal growth to get here, but I wouldn’t trade how I feel right now for anything.

Would I have come to the same conclusion amidst the feasting and merrymaking of a Thanksgiving party?  Probably.  Chances are that I would have been grateful for and raised a toast to the people who were physically present, and felt some sadness for those who weren’t.  And then I probably would have gone right back to my turkey or alternate entree with nary a second thought.

Without the external ‘distractions’ of yummy food and enjoyable banter, I found myself delving into those thoughts and feelings a little more.  Much like a meditation, I came out of the experience calm, alive and refreshed.

My appetite may not have been satiated with barrels of food (though my attempt at a new cornish hen recipe last night was a delicious triumph), but my being was satiated with oodles of peace and gratitude.  And all is not lost on the merrymaking front either – a couple of house parties await this weekend, with chances to raise that toast to good friends.

As you navigate the holidays this year, I hope you get a chance to reflect on the spirit of the season.  For every blessing that comes your way, may your heart be filled with joy and a desire to send it back out to loved ones, friends and strangers in need.

Happy Holidays!

There’s never been a more exciting time to be living in San Francisco.  Last week, the SF Giants won baseball’s World Series for the very first time, and the city erupted in spontaneous jubilation.

With each celebratory speech, with each gushing tribute to the team that finally achieved the dream that had eluded the city for more than 50 years, one theme pulsed through – a group of dedicated managers, players and fans that stuck to their guns and finally made it happen.

In a game that can so easily be overshadowed or splintered by individual egos, the managers and coaches took a group of misfits, castaways and almost-forgotten talents, and molded them into a formidable force.  MVPs (most valuable players) were cheered on by their fellow players, and coaches were doused in congratulatory alcohol with equal measure.

Then there’s the fact that ball park staff were flown to the away games in Texas, so that they could be part of the triumphant finale.  And when San Francisco held a victory parade last week, every member of the Giants organization, former star players, managers and even longstanding radio commentators rode in the stream of vintage vehicles and cable cars that cruised down confetti-strewn streets.

The parade culminated in a ‘key to the city’ award ceremony at City Hall.  Once again, distinguished guests were singled out, from hall-of-fame players of old to the coaches and players that made up the 2010 winning team.  The immediate past president was exalted and often mentioned in the same breath as the current president.  Players introduced other players with sincere admiration, and everyone who took the mike made sure to state that it was a team effort, and something that they had wanted to do for the city of SF as much as for Giants organization itself.

You could argue that the euphoria of the moment will make anyone say anything.  And you could say that it is a team sport after all, so teamwork is a de facto component.

But the warmth and sincerity in their words and faces told a deeper story.  It was a story of strong leadership, of a common passion that was communicated to and coursed through every employee’s and player’s veins.  And when Texas’ final strike sealed the Giant’s World Series victory, the fans couldn’t wait to reflect that warmth and sincerity back onto the team.

Imagine your company or organization doing the same, and your fans (a.k.a. your customers) wanting to reflect your passion, purpose and sincerity back onto you in sheer gratitude.

Are you a Giant in your industry?

from http://myembodiment.files.wordpress.com

It’s 10.30pm and I’ve just returned home after almost 10 hours at my office desk.

If you can relate, you’ll appreciate that my brain is buzzing from its self-induced hive of activity.

And if you’re anything like me, this is probably the time you’re most vulnerable to
a) stumbling over a uneven sidewalk
b) stubbing your foot against a door
c) missing the fact that the crossing light has turned red; and reeling from the car that narrowly missed you as you absent-mindedly started to cross the street

Absent-mindedly. Ah, therein lies the crux of it.

For your mind is indeed a million miles away, either engaged in or spacing out from thoughts of the day. But much, much more than that, you are consequently totally unaware of your body and the space it’s taking up right this minute.

Have you ever wondered why professional dancers (physically) glide through life as sure-footedly as they prance about on the dance floor? Do you ever gaze at an African tribal dance troupe and become entranced by their powerful, almost hypnotic presence?

This is leading somewhere. Bear with me.

We’ve been trained, and conditioned, to live and thrive in a largely (left) brain-based economy. Industrialization and process-oriented management have favored the analytical thinkers among us. Much of the fabric of our modern society has been woven by left-brained worker bees, droning through well-defined, structured paths that lead from product/service creation to sales/marketing and fulfillment.

But there’s been a new life & business kid in town for some years now. Amidst the sea of procedural & mechanized teams, innovative companies like Apple, Pixar & Amazon are standing out and changing the way we interact with the world and each other.

And in a parallel and perhaps not uncoincidental stream, practitioners versed in the martial arts and bodywork (yoga, energetics etc) are enjoying a healthy resurgence.

What might innovation & creativity have to do with being in touch with your body?

A heckuva a lot, I say.

We are not simply creatures of the mind. We potentially have a somatic system that listens and responds to external cues. We also have a soul or spirit which, depending on your chosen faith, goes by many names but arguably performs the same function i.e. serving as a moral/ethical compass or ‘inner voice’ that oozes the wisdom and intuition of the ages.

When you’re not in your body, you miss out on the cues that it or your soul may be sending you.  Grounding yourself in your body (and there are many ways to do so, from dance to tai chi) helps you live and lead from a more integrated focal point.  Here are some ways it can help:

• It will get you in touch with the fact that, say, your left toe has been throbbing for 2 hours.  We sometimes get so lost in our heads that we don’t listen to our body to notice its minor aches and pains.  By the time the pain reaches fever pitch weeks or months later, you’re probably in serious doo doo.
• It makes you a better communicator.  When you plant yourself firmly and evenly, and speak from your diaphragm (which is, after all, in your body and not your head!), your message resonates and reverberates.
• With a greater awareness and understanding of your own body cues, you might start to pay closer attention to the non-verbal signals of others.  And instead of blindly pushing your own rationally-led agenda, you might open the window of possibility into listening, responding and building on the ideas generated by your inner voice or by your team members.  Hello, head?  Meet creativity and innovation.
• You start to make decisions from a deeper, more holistic place.  Rather than get solely in your head about something, you’ll be able to view it from many perspectives i.e. with your head, heart and spirit.  You’ll start to integrate your thoughts, feelings and values more frequently and effortlessly.

This isn’t touchy-feely woo woo stuff.  I’ve spent my entire life training both my mind and body, using conventional modalities (like, erm, graduate school) as well as somatic and self-awareness techniques (like yoga, tai chi, meditation and improv).  Through trial and error, and long spells where I leaned toward one extreme or the other, I now firmly believe that an integrated approach to life is our natural birthright.

So…are you in your body?  I’d love to hear your thoughts and comments.

Till next time, have an inventive week!

Once your organization distills what it’s about, it’s time to tell your corporate story (in a good, authentic way).  This presentation shows you how.

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.  And when life throws you (or you throw yourself!) into a spin cycle, trust that there’s a clean and warm space waiting for you at the other end.

Have you ever had a Murphy’s Law kind of month (or year), where everything you took for granted turned upside down?  Be it relationships, career aspirations, your community or even your country; where the assumptions & expectations you had of them start to erode or morph?

We encounter and expect these paradigm shifts during life’s rites of passage like puberty, marriage or the death of a loved one.  But the increasing complexity and interconnectedness of modern living, plus the virtually unlimited access to information and cross-cultural exchange, presents more opportunities for all of us to reflect on the values and beliefs that we grew up with or want to hold on to.

I’ve been in just such a spin cycle for more than 2 years.  Through equal parts circumstance and choice, I left the comforts of the only home I’d known in Asia to work and live halfway across the world in the US.  I’d worked with US clients for several years, but living and interacting with them in person took the experience to a new level.  Two years on, my entire world view has deepened and with it, a keener understanding and appreciation for what binds us as a universally creative, collaborative species.  (More on this in later posts!)

But the transition hasn’t been easy.  Once I opened the door to the possibility of a different future, everything and everyone around me shifted in turn.  For when you decide to change, the chess pieces that are the rest of your life must also now adjust to your new perspective and life path.  Frustration & confusion will mount on both sides, and there are times when you wonder if it was worth taking the new path to begin with.  Life would be much simpler (and people around you would be less upset) if you had stuck with the status quo.

And even though we are creatures with limitless potential and creativity, there is only so much brainpower or focus we can exert at any given time.  In times of transition, we must consciously release elements of our past in order to make room for a new future.

So how do you know if you should stop with all the change, or keep riding the wave?

Here are some ideas to help you stay grounded:

1) Remember what led you toward this new path/perspective in the first place, and assess if those motivations and intentions are still strong.

2) Evaluate your motivations against the ‘negative’ changes it has created e.g. friends/family/colleagues moving away from you; feeling unsettled in a new work/living space.  How important are the old relationships & spaces to you vs. following through on your motivations?

3) How do you feel about potentially losing these relationships & spaces?  Do you think/believe there are new and different ones waiting in the wings of your new life choice?  Do you have the courage and capacity to forge new relationships and do what it takes to integrate into a new space?

4) Does the implementation of your new life choice need some tweaking?  The best-laid plans often become obsolete as soon as they’re made.  As things shift around you, stay true to your initial intent but allow yourself room to be changed where needed.  That inner flexibility will help smooth the rough edges that accompany any transition.

5) This good ‘ol test still works well: how would you think/feel 5 years from now if you hadn’t explored this new path?  Would you regret not having tried, or would you regret letting go of the old people and places in your life?

So, rather than reacting to every soapsud of change that whizzes by you in your spin cycle, brush them aside, take a step back and remember why you’re in the washing machine in the first place.

As for me, I believe I’m at the end of this current spin cycle (it’s been an extremely wild ride) and know that the clean and warm afterglow of my new life choice is just around the corner. 

I wish you the same, and more, as you create the personal and professional life you want and deserve!

from customersrock.wordpress.com

We’ve all heard the importance of listening skills.  It makes us better communicators and helps us get things done.

But have you taken the time to listen to yourself?  And what happens when you don’t?

I was watching a video last night about self-serving bias, or the act of taking credit for success and denying responsibility for failure.  It’s something we’re all guilty of from time to time.  After all, if we don’t toot our own horn, who’s going to do it for us?  And if accepting responsibility for a mistake means potentially losing your job, well then the choice seems clear.

But there’s more than meets the eye.  As the video illustrates, taking credit for everything when it was clearly a team effort sounds downright implausible.  And if this behavior persists, you may soon find yourself without a team.  Who wants to work with someone who steals their thunder all the time?  You could get that promotion you keep speaking to your boss about, but you’ll probably end up with a resentful team who won’t support you when it counts.

Here are some questions to think about (I’ll list strategies & solutions in part 2 of this article):

1. Have you ever taken the time to listen, really listen to what you say? 
2. Do your words reflect what you truly think and feel, or do people often misinterpret your intentions? 
3. Do you often use a self-serving bias, and how does it affect your ability to create stronger teams, or to be a more effective leader?
4. Do you ever stop to notice the effect of what you say on others? 
5. How could a different choice of words have changed the end result?

Stay tuned for part 2.

This blog has been quiet for a time because I’ve been consumed by World Cup mania.  I store my love for the sport in a 4-year reservoir, then drain it all in a gloriously intense 4-week spurt!

As we edge closer to the finals tonight, I’ve realized how many similarities there are between the game of football and our daily corporate playing field:

1. The CEO – The team’s coach sets the tone on the pitch, in the dressing room and with the media.  In this year’s crop, France’s missteps and eventual demise began when their coach catalyzed and didn’t nip in-fighting in the bud.  Uruguay’s coach was often described as a ‘schoolteacher’ (which he had been in real life), using his calm and encouraging demeanor to lead the team to the semi-finals for the first time in decades.  The Netherlands’ coach was applauded for being able to keep his players’ egos in check and leading them to the finals.  And there were times when some South America coaches’ cantankerous behavior was mirrored in their players’ tempers on the pitch.  Players take huge lessons from their coach.  And whether we know it or not, we respond to our CEO’s cues every day, for better or for worse.
2. The competition – From the preliminary Group stages through to the final game, the best-performing teams are those who study and strategize ways to out-perform their opponents.  Every continent delivers a certain brand of football, and each country within it adds their unique layer of flavor.  Then there’s the element of surprise.  For years, for instance, it was fairly easy to tell how Germany would approach the game – they were seen as solid defenders with a formidable if predictable attacking strategy.  This time around, however, they combined that solid game foundation with breathtaking flexibility and innovative game play in the moment.  That seems to have taken many an opponent by surprise, and I believe it helped get them to 3rd place despite being the second youngest squad in the tournament.
3. The teamwork – This probably sounds redundant since football is, well, a team sport.  But there have been so many sides that crumble because some players are after individual glory at the expense of the team’s overall success.  Lionel Messi, Argentina’s star player, did not manage to score a single goal.  And yet, he was noted in some quarters for his commitment to the team’s success.  Then there are players like Cristiano Ronaldo from Portugal, who can sometimes be seen making physically impossible attempts at goal, presumably to add to his personal goal tally more than his team’s.
4. The unsung heroes – We tend to remember the top goal scorers (usually strikers) and the more flamboyant coaches or players that grace the pitch.  After all, a team’s fortunes eventually rests on how many goals are scored and/or how entertaining they were in getting there.  What sometimes goes unnoticed, however, are the hardworking mid-fielders and defenders who go quietly about their task.  Mid-fielders size up the tactical situation and create opportunities for strikers to hit a home run.  At the other end of the field, defenders make sure opponents don’t get within striking distance of the goal or their goalkeeper.  So…take time to observe and reward the quiet and busy bees working in your corporate hive.  If they aren’t tooting their own horns, find ways to uncover and acknowledge their contributions.
5. Being creative – No matter how many hours of practice and coaching each team undergoes, and no matter how much you try to anticipate what the opposing team is going to do, the final reckoning takes place on the field.  It’s you vs. your opponent, under the glare of floodlights and amidst thousands of screaming fans.  Just like soldiers going to battle, you need all your senses about you, and you need to act and react to solve the ever-changing landscape of the unfolding game.  If a path opens up amidst the defenders and you have clear  line of sight of the goal, will you a) notice it and b) capitalize on it?  At work, we sometimes get so caught up in the usual way of doing things that we fail to see opportunities in our industry or marketplace.  We stick to tried-and-tested routines because it’s in our standard operating manual, or because that’s the way we’ve always done it.  These days, it’s the most flexible and adaptive organizations that survive and thrive.  Is your company/team equipped with tools and techniques to be creative when you need it?
6. Keeping the bad guys out - It never ceases to amaze me how tightly some teams defend their goal.  I have watched games where defenders risk (or sustain) great physical injury in the process.  And I have seen many a goalkeeper berate their defenders for not properly doing their job and for leaving the goal vulnerable.  Taking this to corporate life…yes, we do now live in a networked world where collaboration or co-opetition holds the key to longlasting success.  But don’t forget what your company’s crown jewels are.  Do everything in your power to defend them or to prevent hackers and bad hats from unpicking your competitive advantage.  Do you have a committed team of defenders in your company (be it an IT 100% uptime team or effective business counsel), ready to stand against your attackers?
7. Find and use your strengths – This year, some teams like Spain have an embarrasment of riches with extremely strong players in all positions i.e. strikers, mid-fielders and defenders.  Not everyone is so lucky.  Other teams have had to play to their strengths and hope their opponents don’t crush them too quickly because of their weaknesses.  If you don’t have the immediate good fortune of an all-star corporate team, are you doing everything it takes to uncover and play to your strengths?
8. Thanking your fans – One of my favorite moments occurs after the game ends, when some teams walk around the pitch applauding fans for their support.  Many companies talk about customer service & appreciation, but few actually walk the talk.  Your fans and customers place their faith in your products, services and what your brand stands for.  They spend money buying your wares, and time defending your worth to others.  Applauding them is the least you can do.

I was going to think of 2 more reasons, to make it an even 10.  But I’m getting excited and distracted by tonight’s final.  And being 25% Dutch by ancestry, there are no prizes for guessing who I’m rooting for.

Till my next post, have an inventive week!

 Don’t get me wrong.  I’m not saying that positive psychology is useless.

In fact, my recent research on the subject reveals lots of interesting and useful constructs that can vastly improve personal and work conditions.  I love watching TED talks about it as much as the next optimistic person.  And my scientific training has led me to run several personal experiments over the years to prove/disprove positive psychology theory.  My preliminary conclusion?  A positive strength-based outlook on life hasn’t failed me yet, in improving my life or those of others.  And I intend to stick with the program until I discover otherwise.

Where I think the positive psychology literature falls short, though, is when the rubber of the theories hits the road of real life.  I’ve just started reading ‘The No Asshole Rule’, a book that promises to confront  and eliminate the issue of social friction among corporate colleagues.  (Can’t wait to see where it goes!)  A few pages in, and I’ve realized a couple of important things about the language of positive psychology:

• Positivism works best when your audience is inherently positive.  I often hear labels like ‘Polyanna’, ‘wishful thinking’, ‘utopian’ associated with positive psychology and similar concepts.  Most of us live in a world filled with assholes; ego-centric people who put their needs first each and every time, or who feed their insecurities by putting you down.  Our best efforts to ‘think positive’ amidst a sea of de-energizing forces is tough.  No wonder we want to throw in the towel before we even start.  I mean, why bother, really?

• Many positive people tend to be peace-loving and would rather avoid conflict where they can or, in the extreme, may ignore pitfalls and warning signs because they want to believe the best in others.  A healthy dose of realism is important.  The world is made up of yin and yang, light and dark.  The sooner positive folks get that, the more we can see each other for who we really are (optimists, realists, pessimists, someone having a healthy dispute with you etc) and interact more empathically.  As a (learned or natural) optimist, you wouldn’t want a pessimist consistently rubbing your face in their way of thinking, would you?

• Positive psychology practitioners can sometimes come across as people who are in on a ‘secret’ or have ‘arrived’ at a nirvanic state that they can’t wait to share with the rest of the world because it’s brought them so much joy.  Even worse, they can seem so blissful that you think they’re either 1) on something or 2) delusional.  And if you’ve had a very bad day or are genuinely depressed about a major life event, you probably need someone to acknowledge what you’re feeling, or some time to feel the feeling before you’re ready to move on or to begin to look on the bright side of life.  Having a person say ‘cheer up, it can’t be that bad’ at this time is incredibly unhelpful.

• Many effects of positive psychology e.g. leading a life of enjoyment, engagement or affiliation can only truly happen after long periods of self-reflection, resolution of past pain/disappointments and discovery/recognition of one’s natural strengths and skills.  It’s hard, painful and lifelong work.  And for some of us, opening that Pandora’s box can be way too overwhelming or downright terrifying.  Better to let sleeping demons lie.  After all, our current life ain’t so bad, right?  And if it is bad, well then that gives us something to moan about at the dinner table…

All I’m saying is that positive psychology has some wonderful tools.  When introduced at the right time, to people who are ready to do the work it takes to reap its benefits, it can produce amazing results.

Be sensitive to your audience.  Acknowledge their current state and know that their worldview is probably very different to yours.  If you’ve done the self-work and are operating from an authentically joyous and fulfilling place, even the most hardened pessimist in your social circle will notice it without your saying so.  And if the time is right, their curiosity may get the better of them and they’ll ask, ‘So what (the %$#@*&) makes you so happy all the time?’.  Use their cues and your intuition to share what you think will best answer their question.

Positive psychology doesn’t have to get on anyone’s nerves.  We’re mostly mature, well-functioning adults.  Appeal to our sense of common humanity and we’ll listen.